Tag Archives: fear

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What Was I Expecting?

“You are Perfect in all of Your ways”

Another line from one of those often-sung worship songs. But can I sing it with any real certainty, any real belief?

A friend of mine has a daughter who was born with a rare, deadly heart defect. And she is one of the most caring, genuine, transparent people I know. Watching her trust God through incredible hardship has been mind-blowing and faith-stretching for me. This recent post really had me struggling for composure.

heart for annie

“It hurts, Momma. My line hurts!” she whined, dragging her finger up and down, up and down the stretch of her 6-inch scar.

annies-line

“On the inside, Momma!”  She grabbed at her chest; I panicked and prayed. 

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Rural road in dry countryside.

Borderless

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders…”

This a quote from a song that has been popular in Christian circle for a while now. But what happens when our song becomes our reality?

I find myself in such a place. Life is inexplicable for me right now. Not where I thought I’d be. Disappointments and changes bring me to the point where I just don’t know where God is leading. I feel borderless, vulnerable. Like I’m walking down a rural, dry country road with nothing to hem me in. Unsure of where it will lead. And honestly, I don’t like it. But through this, I have the opportunity to trust. For my faith to be stretched. To seek the Lord and in Him find solace, comfort, peace.

And I think that’s the way He wants it. To find my value in Him alone, not my understanding of Him, not in myself or surroundings. To keep walking, keep seeking, keep trusting. And so I will.